When I was in high school I, like so many other teenagers, struggled with self esteem. It's not an uncommon problem with that age group. I fantasized my "disappearance" many times. I figured if a bus were to run me down, everyone in my life would be better off. Disturbing much? Ya, I think so too but they were real and painful thoughts. Thinking about this trying time in my life brings back a lot of vivid memories of nights spent crying myself to sleep. The despair that accompanies self-loathing is all consuming.
Don't misunderstand though, it wasn't all gloom and doom all of the time. I had some really fun times as well. I was ridiculously uncool in high school which is great. Less pressure and more time for silly goofy fun.
If I could here's the advice I'd give to my 17 year old self.
-It's alright to make mistakes. There isn't a single person within 5 bajillion miles who is perfect, so you shouldn't expect yourself to be. Life is about progression and learning to become a better person. Mistakes keep you humble and enable you with a spirit of learning.
-The boy you're dating right now is NOT the one! So take it easy girl. Sure he's a nice boy, but there's someone who is perfect for you, and in the not so distant future you can have him all to yourself. Cool it. Have fun with your friends and enjoy the single life cause it's not going to last you much longer.
-God loves you and you should too. You're a great person with tons of potential, even if you fall on your face and never achieve the things that you "know" will bring fame and fortune. If everyone you know turns their backs on you (only hypothetical) You are loved by the most supreme powerful being in existence and that alone should be enough to rejoice! Buck up! You're worth more than you think. If you can't believe it now, pretend.
( I, was the nerdiest drama/chorus nerd ever....don't laugh. Also, that's not my real hair!)